


Late night talks

by ayakazuno



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Late Night Conversations, Not Beta Read, Suicide Attempt, The Author Regrets Everything, eveything turns out okay in the end, i am so sorry i keep writing about this, its just... me self projecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23547904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayakazuno/pseuds/ayakazuno
Summary: Hisoka wondered the dorms at night, coming close to an edge. Thankfully, Tsumugi’s there.
Relationships: Tsukioka Tsumugi & Mikage Hisoka
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Late night talks

**Author's Note:**

> i am back, now in a3 hell. i was writing something before from this fandom, too, but i had to get this out of my head.
> 
> this was... kinda hard to write. i'm so sorry if they're any mistakes in grammar or just overall, i have the bad habit of not beta reading my fics.
> 
> tw // suicidal thoughts and attempt

Hisoka couldn’t sleep. Surprisingly enough, it takes him longer to fall asleep during regular sleeping hours than in the middle of the day, while he was just on his way to practice or any other daily activity. Homare’s snoring didn’t help at all, but he was used to that. He knew exactly what was keeping him awake, but he didn’t want to bring his mind to it right now.

That night had been a full moon, just like  _ then _ . Just looking at the night sky makes him remember, how his closest friend (family?) died, without him being able to do anything. Then he remembers falling off a cliff, his eyes on the moon as he was falling down. He wondered how he survived that. The memories of the fall weren’t clear at all either, even if he was able to remember them somewhat now. He didn’t remember why he chose to fall. Maybe someone was still following them and he got cornered? Maybe…  _ he _ pushed him because he knew what was going to happen if they got found again?

_ Maybe he threw himself on purpose…? _

Hisoka tossed and turned, trying to shake away that thought. But it wasn’t useful at all. It wouldn’t have been completely impossible, he didn’t have many way outs of the situation he was in, but… Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten in so much trouble if he didn’t survive.

That’s when he decided he was it. He really wasn’t going to sleep that night, wasn’t he. Silently, he went down from his bed. He didn’t have any place in mind, he’ll just wander around the dorms for a bit to shake off his thoughts then go back to bed again, hoping that the night walk will put him to sleep. It was late, he didn’t think he would bump into anyone at this hour, taking into account that tomorrow was a regular day and most people at the dorm had school or jobs to attend to (including himself, but it’s not like it mattered).

He wondered around the kitchen, and then went to the courtyard. He looked at the dorm building, the same as ever. Misumi always said the dorms’ rooftop was one of the best triangles ever. He wasn’t going to question Misumi’s judgement. Then, a thought crossed his mind. Not a nice thought.

_ What if he just… went up there? _

Hisoka really didn’t like where this was going, but he followed what his mind told him besides all the doubts he had. Thanks to his agility, he was able to climb to the rooftop. He stood in the spot he thought was the highest, and then he just sat there. Looking at the moon.

_ It was a full moon. _

Hisoka started remembering again. How he fell. The way it hurted so much when he hit the water. How it bolted him awake and how he swam until he was again on his feet, but now without his memories. And now he had remembered everything at once.

But it didn’t help at all. He didn’t want to keep remembering. If what he remembered was making him hurt all the time, he really didn’t need it.

He came closer to the edge of the roof. This height was nothing compared to then, but he guessed it would be enough. He wanted to forget. Forget all the pain. Forget anything about his past and becoming an empty person again…

He got up, feet almost out of the rooftop’s frame. Would it hurt as much as it did the other time…? Or would he be gone without even realizing?

Jumping was tempting. It really was. Forgetting everything was also tempting. But there were some things he didn’t want to f-

“... Hisoka-san?” he didn’t notice Tsumugi looking from the balcony a few meters below. “... What are you doing up there…?”

“... Stargazing” he answered, trying to not raise any suspicions or red flags in the other man. “What are you doing up this late”

“Me? I’m just… Honestly, it doesn’t seem like I’ll be able to catch much sleep tonight… I thought coming outside would clear up my mind a bit”

“... Same as you”

There was a bit of an awkward silence, not knowing how to continue the conversation. Hisoka suddenly realized he was still at the very edge of the rooftop, and that he should come down before he accidentally falls. Also, Tsumugi was looking now. He wouldn’t do something as what he was going to do with someone looking. He quickly went back inside the dorms, looking for Tsumugi until he found him. Seems like he was waiting for him.

“This might sound weird, but do you want to sleep in my room tonight? Tasuku’s sleeping at a friend’s tonight. I think it’s someone from his football team” Tsumugi asked, hesitatingly.

“... Sure” Hisoka really didn’t want to come back to Homare’s snoring. Tsumugi couldn’t sleep either, so maybe they could just talk the night away if anything. 

  
  
\---

  
  
Hisoka climbed up Tasuku’s bed and layed down. It felt so different from his bed, even if it was the same dorm. Tsumugi’s calmer presence put him at ease, but he couldn’t still not think about what he was about to do.   


He guessed he could talk about it.

  
  
“Tsumugi” he said quietly, in hopes the other didn’t hear him clearly and could have a second moment to doubt

“Hm? What is it?” Unfortunately for him, Tsumugi heard him the first time. ‘Okay, I guess there’s no turning back now’, he thought.   
“Do you remember when I told everyone I came from the beach? The water” Oh gosh the water. He didn’t understand how he forgot all of that, considering that now he could just feel the cold water again his skin as if he was underwater.   
“Yes?” Tsumugi answered, not sure as to where the conversation was going   
“... I think I fell off something” Hisoka continued. It hurted so much so much to be saying this, specially to someone close (close?) for him. “... On purpose. And now I tried again”.

  
  
Tsumugi went silent for a few seconds, as if he just connected everything that happened this night. ‘I messed up’ Hisoka thought upon getting silence as a response.

  
  
“I’m sorry. I scared you, right”

“Ah, no! Sorry, I just… It’s just that… I know how you feel”

“... Do you”

“I mean… I once tried to fall on purpose, too”   
  
Hisoka was the one that went silent now. So Tsumugi also went through it. Well, Hisoka didn’t even know if he went through it himself, but it was an accurate possibility.    
  
“Tasuku was worried sick. Honestly, thinking about back then makes me hurt a little…”

“... I’m sorry”

“I said it’s okay! No need for apologizing, Hisoka”

  
  
Hisoka thought the conversation could be over at that point, and that the next morning both will pretend that nothing happened tonight. But Hisoka didn’t stop thinking. He wanted to go up there again. But worrying Tsumugi (and the rest of the company) wasn't worth at all. But hey, who knows. Maybe in the end they don’t accept him and don’t trust him and in the end he will just go back to not having a family and being alone and-

  
  
“... Hisoka? I think you’re trembling”

“It’s okay”

“I’m sorry, Hisoka, but I don’t think it’s okay” Hisoka sighed in defeat. Tsumugi was right, but still, he wasn’t in the mood to worry people. He already worried them too much everyday, falling asleep at all times and- “We can talk about it”

“... Can we?”

“Of course we can. Sharing what worries you it’s good, sometimes…” Tsumugi didn’t sound very sure of that either, but Hisoka will do as he said.

“I just think people are suspicious of me. I’m not sure if I ever gained trust with anyone. I think I will be left alone again”

“Hisoka, we trust you. You’re one of our friends, and I think everyone here in Mankai trusts you. Honestly, I think you can try to relax a little here. We’re not going to hurt you”

“... But what if I do something bad. Would you still trust me”

“... What do you mean by ‘bad’?”

“What I just did. What if I try again”

“Then of course we would still trust you. I also thought people will stop trusting me back then, but thankfully I had friends by my side who cared and believed in me. And you have them too. You have us, Hisoka. You’re not alone”

“...” Hisoka didn’t want to admit it, but what Tsugumi said made sense. Why did he believe his friends (friends!) at the company wouldn’t care about or miss him if he was gone? It must have been the moon. He always got sad looking at it. “... Thanks”

“You’re welcome any time, Hisoka”

“... Sometimes I forget you’re a psychology major”

“Haha, it’s okay. Sometimes I forget it too”

“I think I can sleep now”

“I’m glad. Good night, Hisoka”

“Good… night… Zzz…”

And just by that, Hisoka drifted to sleep. 

Tsumugi didn’t believe what he just presenced.

“So that’s how it must have felt…” he thought, with tears trying to come out. He felt sad just by remembering it. That’s why he’s been trying to forget it.

But like he just said to Hisoka, he had people to look after him. He even regained his long-time childhood friend and joined theater again, something he still couldn’t believe.   
  
He wasn’t alone. He could make it through this. Both him and Hisoka.

Words couldn’t express how happy he was to have everyone.   


**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!! kudos and comments are appreciated. 
> 
> i am so sorry for writing again about the same thing. this months are being very complicated and its just, been long. i hope everything turns out okay in the end. i'll try to write about something more positive next, tho!


End file.
